Dear Deidre
I HAVE been having sex with my aunt for months – so why can’t we come out and tell the world?
I’m 21 and she is 40. She’s my mum’s sister and we’ve always been close.
She’s a science teacher. I’m in my final year of a degree in chemistry and she did the same degree 20 years ago.
I started going to see her as she helped me with my coursework.
One day she had forgotten I was going and opened the door in her dressing-gown.
She apologised when she realised it was me and hurried me in to the front room.
When I jokingly told her not to change on my account she said, “I’ll stay like this then, if you prefer me to.”
I was surprised, especially when she sat next to me and put her hand on my leg. She told me she’d always fancied me. She opened a bottle of vodka and it didn’t last long.
We started kissing and it did feel a bit weird but she was so sensual and womanly. I couldn’t resist her. We had amazing sex.
I’ve been visiting her ever since and we’ve been having regular sex at her place.
She is single and so am I.
My aunt says we have to keep this quiet but I don’t understand why we can’t be open about it.
DEIDRE SAYS: I am afraid this relationship is incestuous as you’re close blood relatives and it’s illegal.
It is crossing all the proper boundaries within a family.
You are still young and your aunt has been a trusted adult in your life.
She should know better, especially since she’s a teacher. If this came out she would lose her career.
Stop seeing her.
If you struggle to accept she is not for you, Get Connected can help you talk your feelings through in confidence (getconnected.org.uk, 0808 808 4994).
I hide my desire to be a girl
Dear Deidre
I’VE spent a fortune on dresses and lingerie and then thrown them out. I’m a guy but I long to be a girl.
I’m 29, single and live with friends. I used to take my sister’s clothes when I was a kid but these feelings are so strong now.
I look at how pretty women look and I wish I could look the same.
Nobody knows. Nobody would understand as I don’t understand it myself.
DEIDRE SAYS: Some men get a sexual buzz out of cross-dressing, some enjoy dressing as a woman to relieve the stress of being macho, some feel they have been born with the wrong body and actually want to be a woman.
My advice line today on Cross-Dressing Worries explains more. Ring 09067 577 161.
It is a nearly impossible urge to suppress. Your friends might understand if you could trust them but it’s safer first to explore what’s going on for you with those who understand.
The Beaumont Society supports the transgender community (beaumontsociety.org.uk, 01582 412220).
Warts ’n’ all
Deir Deidre
I’M a 20-year-old girl and I caught the HPV virus. I’m having treatment and the warts seem to be clearing up.
I’ve got a new boyfriend and we’ve had protected sex but he hates condoms.
Should I tell him about the HPV or can we have unprotected sex when the warts have gone?
DEIDRE SAYS: Best to be honest with your new boyfriend. HPV is passed on through skin-on-skin contact when warts are present, so don’t take any risks for now.
Once you are sure they’ve gone, you should be safe not using a condom as long as you are confident about his sexual history – but keep an eye out for any sign of a return.
You can get more info from Brook who help under-25s with sexual issues (brook.org.uk, 0808 802 1234).
Mistake to get back with ex
Dear Deidre
I’VE stupidly gone back to my ex although I prefer my new guy.
I’m 21 and I was with my ex for two years. He’s 23. It was a rocky relationship.
I met a new guy of 25 recently and I was happy but I had to collect some clothes from my ex.
He talked me round, saying splitting up was the worst thing we could have done and I ended up having sex with him.
I’ve got back with him but now I miss the new guy.
DEIDRE SAYS: If this relationship isn’t what you want, then end it now and vow not to go back this time.
You’ve resolved nothing and you are in the same rut again.
I’m sending you my e-leaflet Addictive Love? to help you be firm this time.
If you bow out now, and convince the new boyfriend you made a big mistake, you may just have another chance.
Baby plan is a flop
Dear Deidre
MY partner could never have full sex with me so I was devastated when I found out he’d been having an affair.
We’ve been together ten years and we’re both 35.
We both wanted children but after trying for three years we were classed as having “unexplained infertility”.
Our sex life has never been good. He always loses his erection before he reaches climax.
I discovered a month ago my partner had been lying to me about working late and was seeing a colleague.
I felt so hurt that he might have been able to have full sex with her yet he couldn’t with me but he broke down in tears and admitted he couldn’t with her either.
He blames himself for not being able to get me pregnant. Could our poor sex life be the root of our problem?
DEIDRE SAYS: Could well be. I realise it can feel embarrassing but did you not tell the fertility clinic about your husband’s difficulty?
It will be cutting your chances right down but there are simple techniques to get round the problem.
I’m sending you my e-leaflets Man Who Can’t Climax? and Want To Have A Baby? which explain self-help.
You can find understanding support through Infertility Network UK (infer
tilitynetworkuk.com, 0800 008 7464).
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You can follow my life and sex tips on Twitter @deardeidre
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